This Boujee Black Girl Self Sabotages ...

SZA was right when she said: as women we store trauma in our hips. This is why when twerking in the mirror and dancing with friends makes us feel better because that trauma is being released

Self Sabotage: Myself

I feel that I have mentally hit a brick wall in my life! Overtime I realized sometimes those walls were set in place so we can lean on them and get some rest and reevaluate. Sometimes I look at myself and I'm confused about who I anymore, cause I feel lost when in reality I'm evolving. I am constantly fighting for my life against my own mind. I have realized before a big blessing or a new start for me begins, life gets pretty crazy. But instead of trusting God and knowing what instilled in me. I begin to panic and self sabotage myself that Im not good enough for my next step in life. While healing the biggest thing I had to do was forgive myself for the ways I didnt protect myself. Having hero syndrome and thinking nothing could hurt me that I was tough, that I was an healer for everyone else, and that nothing could hurt me cause I've always prepared myself for the worst, because I knew no one had me like I had them or that I didn't deserve it. That self sabotaging has taken a toll me mentally, physically, and spiritually. With that said I look at my life differenty, Im trusting who I am presently to have my own best interest and not speak negatively over my life when moving forward.

In your twenties: these are your selfish years. It's a decade to immerse yourself in everything. Be selfish with your time and all aspects of you. Tinker, travel, explore, love a lot or a lil and never touch the ground. - Kyoko Escamilla

Self Sabotage: Romantic Relationships

What I have noticed with romantic relationships while in my healing/self discovery journey, is I have a tendency to look for the "problem". What's the red flags, does this person really love me, are the only talking to me, and etc. I feel suffocated at the thought of someone being in my space or the thought that I could be loved correctly by someone without struggle or pain. So because of these thoughts its like I have to find something wrong with the person, so they dont get to close, regardless if I really care for them or not. Vulnerability is the hardest part for me, because that's 100% of all of me, the good and bad, me being truly exposed. So if you see all of me and my vulnerability, the question running always is "will you stay and accept me or abandon me?" Therefore I self sabotage I abandon them or ruin things before they realize they want to do that to me. This is a childhood trauma I have quickly realized I have to deal with and get to the root of. So this year I've decided to focus on being vulnerable and transparent without being afraid, hence me creating this blog.

Spirit vs Flesh

We have learned something can look so good on the outside and be a total disaster from within. Having a strong desire for this things, while still having that gut feeling to walk away. That's your spirit tell you no, but your flesh being weak and wanting to cave in. This is a struggle, but it okay, because whose perfect anyway? There is only 2 things you need to overcome in life itself to be successful, and the first is yourself. There are people and situations that happen in your life to teach you a lesson. People who come in your life just for a season, we may feel in our flesh they are going to be there for a lifetime. These are lessons we must uncover, and we must do what's best for ourselves. As Tyler Perry said: some people/lessons are like boosters for a rocket. Those boosters fall off once you reach a certain altitude, so some of those people/ certain goals/ and etc are not equipped to handle your next level of altitude. So dont be afraid to let them fall off or have them show their true colors. Their not bad people or bad ideas/goals sometimes they just cant handle the altitudes your going to.

Inspired by the fear of being average -The Boujee Black Girl

Carrying It All

Just because I carry it will does not mean, that I am okay or that I want to. It's a heavy burden to carry and I shouldn't have to carry it constantly. I always thug it out and do what's best for me, it's just sometimes I don't want to carry it or maybe even carry it alone. I'm in a place of healing, were I cry, pray, speak over my life, or sometimes have a complete meltdown. Allowing myself to feel these feelings, and let time do what it does, has been the best thing. Even sometimes just leaving people behind,saying I'll love you forever,but I am not interested in the level of life you have to offer me and that I have to let you go because of it. No need to change or try to see the potential in you, keep being you,the access you have to me is just no longer allowed, I love you from a distance. This is life and growth. If being strong means always facing everything alone and be expected to find ways to get through everything, then I've been 'strong' for quite some time. I need y'all to find someone else to do it, cause this Boujee Black Girl needs a break.

Boujee Tip Of The Day: Being fully healed simply does not exist. Having a certain level of self awareness does. Having a healthy relationship with yourself first is the biggest step.