This Boujee Black Girl, hates the healing journey

I think I've healed to much, I don't like nobody...

Healing is Scary

Maturing as a woman is having the discernment to use those lonely nights as new opportunities to discover yourself. Loving yourself is the true prize. And being able to receive those blessings feel even better when you get everything you deserve and more. Healing is beyond a scary process. You have to start from the very beginning, the stuff that has been swept under the rug for years and years. We tend to keep sweeping things under the wrong over and over, mainly because are afraid to see what's underneath or to actually deal with it. It's hard to deal with the truth and who we really are. We have to stop avoiding that past trauma and finally heal, that's the key to evolving and rediscovering yourself. Get a therapist, spend time with yourself, start that self care journey, go work out, and whatever else needs to be done. And most of all learn to say no! No to that date, no to that rekindled friendship, this time do what's best for you an grown. Don't keep avoiding your growth by being stuck in the same pot, cause you will continue to grow and outgrow everything until you find a pot big enough for your next level, so don't ignore the inevitable. Healing is the key to it all, and sometimes its scary what comes with it, but its needed no matter how old or new the pain is. Handle it head on.

The Desire to be Understood

To be a woman and feel deeply and have discernment about things is a beautiful trait. Don't let anyone tell you different. To be able to feel those emotions, to openly process those regardless of the situation. Make sure to feel those emotions completely so you don't cause trauma. To feel is to heal. You are not a broken record so don't continue to loop like one. So don't rush it, you will end up ruining it. Pause, Pray & be Patient. Sometime we must learn to wait and deal with the unknown, cause if you move to fast or at the wrong pace, you may regret it. Or deepest desire is not to only be loved, but to be understood. Make it a point this week to try to truly understand the people around you. But also be mindful of those who you see are only around you, because of what you have to offer. Those people have expired, and take the time to weed them out of your life, because they never will understand the new person you are evolving into.

This past year has taught me not to postpone enjoyment. Any opportunity to enjoy and experience life, take it!

This Anxious Girl

I need patient people in my life... Regardless of the relationship or type of love. I'm relaxed in every other aspect of my life, except when it comes to love. Constantly worrying, uneasy, unsure of the persons next steps. Having people who surround me and all my thoughts to be calm is huge for me. Bring me back to my peace and stillness, I want everything I prayed for, not even an ounce short. And this is hard to admit no one wants too be the first to say that they are easy to break, it just opens a door for people to think they can step over you. Because I am always looked at as this strong and aggressive figure no one ever realizes how soft and gentle I really am. I am so much more fragile than they eye sees, and I thank people who handle me with such care.

You look happier "Thanks, it's God"

The Breakdown

Over the past 23 years of my life I've realized I that I isolate myself when things go bad. I deal with all my situations head on just buy myself, so I don't feel like a burden to others. I'm afraid to let my guard down and let someone in because they may never truly see or love the complete version of me, or use my vulnerability against me. I am always overthinking or over analyzing situations because I'm afraid of the outcome maybe being something I wont like, or trying to soften the blow if I know it will hurt me. I feel for the need of acceptance or validation from others, so much that sometimes I put their own feelings and needs before my own. I'll look for the good or justify those actions just so I can have some satisfaction for my own peace. Letting go and saying goodbye is a hardship for me that I can't accept. And lets not even get started on trying to express myself. I rather hold it in, because most people don't understand me or they truly don't care. Then once all of those emotions are built up, I will end up becoming numb or acting out of character or staying quiet until I truly cant take anymore. .

Boujee Tip of the Day: Practice daily words of affirmation to yourself. The way you speak to yourself, is a confession of your character. And most of all don't forget to applaud yourself for every: transition, event, moment big or small. It doesn't matter, celebrate all of you!