The Dating Shenanigans of a Boujee Black Girl

Sometimes asking questions is disrespectful, it's disrespectful to your own intuition. You Know what's going on actaccordingly. -SZA

This Boujee Girls Dating Life

So if you have been on this wild journey with me of "A Diary of a Boujee Black Girl", you know a little bit about my wild dating life, from experiencing my 1st love, to crazy dates, cheating scandals, and heated arguments. It has been an emotional roller-coaster might I say! Since my last relationship, I decided to take some time to focus on me and also see what I have learned from past situations. Doing this has opened my mind a lot but also allowed to see what I need to work on and what my boundaries are. So deciding not to date for a while has made me extremely picky and made me different! I've decided to try the dating scene again, and I've been asked on dates and I genuinely do not know what to say. I'm unsure if its me overthinking, not really feeling the person asking, or if I had some more healing to do from past.

Being the Understanding Girl

In my last couple relationships or dating shenanigans if you will. I always tried to get that healthy relationships or love. Constantly trying to be the best version of myself but for the other person sake. First of all dumb decisions on my behalf, be the better version of YOU only for YOU. So with being that understanding girl, I constantly tried to be chill and allowed many things to slide, because I tried to love that person in the moment they were in. Doing this I abandoned myself and my own values. Doing this would repress my own feelings, of what was bothering me because I would always try to be understanding, or even constantly making myself the blame. Thinking I deserved the bare minimum and what they were doing was something I deserved. I learned that healthy love, is not all soft and easy as you may think, it comes with up's and down, hard conversations, and more. No longer be a place were people think its okay to hurt or disrespect you, don't gaslight yourself .

My love is unconditional but my presence is conditional

Have Respect for Yourself

I have learned overtime I must have a bigger self respect for myself, in any relationship whether platonic or not. In my journey I have recently started to make a list of non negotiables and my own boundaries for my next relationship, whenever the time comes. Constantly updating this list as I see fit. Making this list is helping me hold myself accountable to make sure I am never that "understanding girl" again and I'm not gaslighting myself. I've learned I can't allow people to keep playing with my emotions and time, while I sit there with all smiles, while deep down I know its hurting me more than ever. Notice when you aren't love properly you are not the best version of yourself because you are focused on the reason of why you aren't being loved correctly and trying to understand/fix it. Next time you find yourself in this situation think to yourself "do they add weight to you or did they give you weight?"

People Who Love You Because of How Free They Are With You

This has been a lesson that's hard to understand in my own journey of self love. Understanding how people can think they love me but its honestly the feeling of how free they are with me that they love. Being that safe space for others without judgment, that they can be their free and open authentic self when they are with me. They loved the feeling of being their true version of themselves that they got be with me. This is something I have had to learn to decipher and understand I didn't pass it off as "real love". I love being the person someone feels safe with and can rediscover themselves with no judgement and all support, but no one takes about the feeling of being drained and manipulated after.

I once begged someone to love me the way I loved them and that's probably the saddest and dumbest thing I've ever done!

Walking Away

Easier said than done... But just a short scenario and food for thought, for you on this Monday. Sometimes you can't walk away from a job, relationship, friend, opportunity, etc. Its hard for you to let go. So God in the end made that job, relationship, friend, opportunity, etc. walk away from you. You will start to ask why did this happen or be upset in it all. But you have to quickly realize God had to separate you because you were in the midst of settling for something that was less than you. Take the time to think about that, and realize the situations that you have been separated from, and how you ended up receiving better.

Boujee Tip of the Day: Take time and write down your non negotiables and boundaries. Get a better understanding of them so you are prepared for next time. And also go on that 1st date, stop being scary, you live and you learn!