This Boujee Black Girl's, Marvins Room

The Backfire

I'm naturally a lover girl no matter how hard I try to water it down, I always end up over playing my part. I naturally have a big heart and I'm genuine in all do, which can sometimes result in a back fire. When it results in sneaky link/situationship, I immediately can not do it. I love hard, so once it feels as if the energy is not being reciprocated, I'll fall back and let it be, even if it hurts. I'm never confused or conflicted, whether relationship or friendship. If I'm loyal to you, I stand 10 toes on that, and nothing will effect that. But unfortunately most people aren't like that. I leave my mark on everyone regardless the situation. I want someone to be SURE of me, just as much as I am SURE of them. I act off of consistency. I have learned for 2023, I no longer have access or acceptance for that type of behavior. I'm not going to keep allowing people to play with my time or feelings like I am a game. So I'll just patiently wait for God to send me all that I need and until then I'll be by myself, and loving myself.

My toxic trait is I get mad about old pain even if I moved past it. Because I still can't understand why I deserved it.

Late Night Thoughts

Every one always asks me why I haven't been big on proactively dating right now. The simple yet complex answer is that I'm busy, this is a true statement. Busy with a new degree, jobs, 2 businesses, and my healing journey, and I don't expect everyone to understand that or want to deal with that. Does it get lonely sometimes, 110% it does. Especially after experiencing what love was for the first time in my own definition, its hard to just jump back to normal. But I rather deal with loneliness than a constant heartbreak. I am the biggest lover girl, but I rarely actually like someone but when I do, I am all in. I have noticed when I am in relationship and I feel that I can 100% be myself, I can at times be clingily or start to overthink to much, or that this is to good to be true, but every action or word I say is done with pure and genuine intentions. So when things don't work out I feel at fault because in a sense it feels as if my best wasn't good enough. Over time this feeling develops and sometimes hurts deeper, the constant thought of what could have been, do I mean anything to them, are they having sleepless nights, or even want to mend things, could a simple call fix it all? Call me soft or whatever, but when I love, I love hard, so I am not really up for dating or that potential heartbreak just yet.

Remorse, is not in your vocabulary

Still till this day some people have no remorse for putting me through it all, but till this day I still have love for them. And honestly I love them forever. That's a feeling of pain I wont forget, I show genuine love and you gave yours away or tarnished it. In a sense my character was assassinated. Had me losing my mind and questioning why? No one should be able to control you emotions like that. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wanted some people back in my life, but only if they changed their ways and truly meant it. But even then I'll still have that side eye and boundary on if I can trust what's next for a while. I've seen it all and learned it all from a prospective, when you switched up and gave me broken promises. Why was it so easy for you to hurt me the way that it did, and I'm still stuck with the pain? But that's the pain of keeping someone around that was only meant for a season. Forever in my heart for the times that were true, but picking myself this time is something that I must do.

Boujee Tip of The Day: Delete those old conversations and photos that hurt you whenever you see them. Delete phone number, restrict accounts, mute, unfollow, and remove any negative energy that effects you. Do whatever is necessary for you to heal and have that positive energy around you.