" Don't Try to be Everyone's Cup of Tea "

Dear me, don't fall back to your old habits and patterns just because it feels familiar.

A Diary of a Boujee Black Girl, has become more than just a blog for me. It has become a literal "diary" and outlet for the way that I feel and my overthinking.

- xoxo, THE CONFUSED 20 SOMETHING BOUJEE BLACK GIRL.

1. Please Stop Explaining Yourself to People

I've come to the realization of " I don't know the first thing about me. " My mom asked me a week ago "What happened to the Zoe-Lanese I know" and I truly didn't know how to answer. Feeling like I have lost my spark of what makes me unique and even my creative drive in life and fashion. I've put on this façade of being okay and being the strong person for everyone but myself and its taken its hold. Every hit I have taken trying to ensure that I was "there" for them, helping their needs instead of my own, and even listening to them vent, but when it was my turn there was always a convenient excuse. This is when I realized it had to stop. I continually prayed for God to weed people out of my life and show me what's needed for me to start my new stage of life.

When God shows you the way, sometimes its not a staircase but instead of giant leap of faith or a shift in your norm, to get you started. Don't let your overwhelming excuses and limitations stop you from where you are destined to be.

2. This Next Chapter of my Life is Going to be Real Different...

I can't afford anymore situations in my life that bring out the worst in me. When I say that I mean regardless if its a relationship, friendship, job , or anything else that takes me backwards in my life. I know everyone's talking about entering their villain era this season, I would like to say me to, but I want to take a bigger and a better approach at it. I have constantly being overwhelmed with emotions, loosing friends, lashing out, and allowing disrespect from others. All because I lacked boundaries and a tried my hardest to see the potential in people instead of what they were just showing me based off of their actions. No more being used, trying to be peaceful, or see the best in them. Cause it does nothing but hurt me in the process and allow the disrespect from others to continue. Please don't let someone show you more than once that they don't care about you.

3. Your Are What You Show Me

I'm no longer giving anyone the benefit of the doubt with me, you are what you show me, and you get what you give, so reciprocate it wisely. I did the opposite of this constantly, and all I got from it was gaslighting arguments, more doubt within myself, embarrassment, and me thinking I was the problem and asking for to much. What kind of a situationship is that you put yourself in, all at the cost of what love? All because I fell for the potential instead of the real. Every time I saw a slip up instead of realizing this what I asked God to show me, I decided to question why and try and get what I thought the truth was. Instead I got the situation flipped on me and believed that I was the problem and that I was listening to everyone else opinions. When it was me being vulnerable and explaining once again how something bothered me but it being pushed aside just like everything else or being micro managed. How are flowers, quality time, a walk, or a simple FT to much? Everything you would think is so simple that you give to others constantly was yet so difficult to give to me instead? I was mentally already done, poured my heart out and heard his side, and decided maybe we could just start over as friends because we meant so much more and saw something bigger. God had different plans, and I finally lashed out for the last time, all because you "LIED", and everyone knows how lies make me feel, and now I wonder how much of it all was a lie, through the year. I still question why, and I still await an apology. I realized sometimes as much as you love a person and care, you never have to entertain or speak to them again a day in your life. Allow them to see what they missed out on and quit trying to prove your solid to depend on.

Just because you don't require a lot in order to be happy doesn't mean you deserve only the bare minimum.

4. Running In Circles Part 2, The Fast Lane

So if you read my last post you know what running in circles comes with. These next 6 months are very critical to me and my next steps I want to achieve in life. Decided to step back from social media, stop hanging out with certain crowds, barley even texting people back. I wanted to pour all of my energy time back into me and what would actually help me grow. One day I decided to write down all the things I wanted in my life even the things I would think would help me grow. My career, my future home, my next and hopefully last relationship and so much more. Let's just say God has a funny way with time and showing you what he has awaiting for you, all you have to do is listen and be patient. Obtaining job opportunities I wouldn't even think I was qualified for, or getting the faith to just pack up and move, and even going on that 1st date that I put off for so long because I just didn't want to let go. Stuff the average person would probably think isn't that important came at the perfect time to show me that I am more than enough and this how I should be treated and loved properly. Now don't get me wrong I'm still taking it slow and putting myself first, making sure I accomplish my goals first within it all. But I will always make sure I get my well deserved flowers, which I now get approximately every 2 weeks, even sometimes delivered to my job without notice lol. I had a bad moment but not a bad life. I'm ready to restart and do it right. Setting boundaries, goals, not looking back, forgiving others even if I didn't receive an apology and so much more. You may have known "Zoe" but you never knew Zoe-Lanese and the woman she evolving into.

Don't ever think God responded too quick everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING, take this and ride the wave my baby! - Jai Boogie ( My fav Bousin )

5. No More Being Embarrassed or Ashamed

I'm done being afraid or hiding. Rather it is hiding my quirkiness, my tears, my weaknesses, my love for God, my dreams, or what may be my blunt truthfulness, it will no longer be hidden. I let go of what ever may be holding me back and decided to live in my truth, not caring of the worldly desires and values, or what the next person has to say. Being the true Proverbs 31 women I am ( the girls that get it get it ). So thank you for heart break and failed love. Thank you for the failed friendships. Thank you for the let downs. Its helped me see my own faults in what I allowed and what I lost within myself by dealing with it. Just know never again !!

Thank you to my P22 for being my creativity and shoulder to cry on and sometimes hit. Thank you to my 7 sisters, for being there and helping me rediscover myself . Thank you to my Bousins, for always being there regardless of the time in between. Thank you to my forever friends, for not giving up on me no matter the distance. And most of all Thank you, Mom for seeing me and hearing my cry and helping realize the great power that I have in my name and the life that comes with it.

Boujee Tip of the Day: Let go, as much as it may pain you. Sometimes the storm produces the most beautiful flowers.